You Always Have a Choice

“It is not in our control to have everything turn out exactly as we want, but it is in our control to control how we respond to what happens.” -Epictetus

The human condition is something that fascinates us. We experience loneliness, guilt, depression, anxiety, etc. Name an emotion and a human being has experienced it.

The same applies to external events. Negative things will happen to us, we will experience grief, struggle, and adversity. How do we manage this? How do we respond? Thousands of years ago, humans were asking the same questions. A small group of philosophers found their answers in a philosophy known as Stoicism.

Stoicism

Stoicism is a philosophy that was founded by Zeno of Citium around 300 B.C.E.. This philosophy offers us tools to build resilience and self mastery through virtuous action and disciplined thought. Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus are figures central to Stoic Philosophy. Each contributed to its teachings on how to endure adversity with fortitude and grace. The Stoics emphasize that virtue is the highest good and that living virtuously is the key to a good life. They also emphasize living in accordance with nature. Furthermore, the Dichotomy of Control is a key tenant of Stoic Philosophy.

The Dichotomy of Control

“Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.”

-Epictetus

The dichotomy of control emphasizes the fact that most things in life simply aren't up to us. We cannot control outside events. We cannot control the actions of others. Your spouse might cheat on you, you might lose your job, you may be overcome with chronic anxiety and depression. These things are not up to us. Regardless of your status, how much power you have, how physically strong you are, you cannot escape misfortune and adversity. These things are simply a part of the human experience.

So what can we control?

We control our opinions and actions towards events. We have the choice to view things in a positive or negative way and act according to that framing. Epictetus tells us that our focus should be on the things we can control, while holding everything else with little regard.

Understanding the Dichotomy of control helps us in two ways,

1. When we know what is outside of our control, we can choose to not waste our time or energy trying to change it. We can view it as objectively as possible with acceptance and compassion and move forward to what we can control.
   

2. When we know what we DO control, we can focus our energy and effort into those things. Beliefs, values, and actions. Those are what we control and so that is where our focus must lie.

All negative events have the potential to become catalysts of growth. Our attitudes, perspectives, and actions dictate whether we will suffer or prosper.

Amor Fati

An essential piece of stoic philosophy is Amor Fati, which roughly translates to "love your fate". This essentially means, you should willingly accept everything that happens to you, positive and negative. This might sound counterproductive, after all, we want to avoid negative events and emotions, right? The Stoics would disagree. By avoiding negative events, we are purposely weakening ourselves and lowering our resolve.

But, when we willingly accept negative events, we invite an opportunity for growth. An opportunity for adversity to shape us in a positive way. Adversity and negative events will come to us no matter what we do. If we welcome the things we are averse to, we start to train ourselves to be able to live well and respond positively to whatever circumstance.

Take every negative thing that has happened to you. It is very easy for us to place ourselves in the shoes of the victim. "X happened to me and so y outcome is determined by x event". That is one view.

Another is recognizing that you would not be where you are today, the totality of your entire existence, were it not for those negative events. Your coping strategies, your ability to survive, those things are as much a part of you as you are the total universe. What doesn't kill you, makes you, by definition; a survivor. When you change your perceptions of the events that affect you, you move closer and closer to the real you. The responsible one, the one that decides to move forward through adversity, welcoming the lessons it teaches. You are no longer the victim.

Application

Quite recently, I suffered a meniscus tear. This was a really big deal for me in two ways. One, exercise is one of my main outlets for stress relief and it's where I get a lot of my social interaction, particularly at Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Two, my big quests in the realm of fitness are to compete in a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu tournament, and complete an Ironman Triathlon. (An Ironman is a race that consists of a 2.4 mile (3.9 km) swim, a 112 mile (180.2 km) cycle, and a marathon 26.22 mile (42.2 km) run, completed in that order in one day).

I experienced a lot of emotional turmoil when I got the diagnosis. It really felt like a huge part of my life was just put on hold. After a couple of weeks of Physical Therapy and researching alternative training methods, roads to recovery, and seeking out advice from people who have sustained similar injuries, I decided that giving up on my goals simply was not an option. The dichotomy of control helped me recognize the responsibility I had for what I CAN control. I can't control the fact that I sustained a serious injury, but I can control how I respond. What actions can I take? Can I alter my training to fit my current situation? What will I do now that my biggest social avenue is out of the picture? What will I do with all this free time? How do I get all of this pent up energy out?

Through a lot of education from my physical therapist as well as online resources I found a lot of alternative ways and methods to develop strength. I found different muscle groups with different exercises that both help in recovery and increase performance. With all of this free time, I started this project, something I am very passionate about. Amor Fati means to love what happens to you; in the fog of war it is immensely difficult to recognize the potential for growth. It is hard to feel those uncomfortable negative emotions. But, by allowing them, you also allow a perspective shift: This is actually good for me. This needed to happen.

The Right Choice

"The conclusion is, not that hardships are desirable, but that virtue is desirable, which enables us patiently to endure hardships." -Seneca the Younger

When things get hard, we want to get away from it all. We want a break. We just want to be happy. The truth, is that we aren't supposed to be happy all the time. Happiness, like other emotions is a transient, temporary emotion. What we are really after, is contentment.

According to the Stoics, to cultivate resolve and contentment, you need to live virtuously and in accordance with nature. This means living for our fellow human beings and understanding the profound connection we have with the universe around us and each other. It means acting with virtue and doing the right thing even when it is difficult.

It means never giving into despair. It means showing kindness and compassion to everyone, including yourself. It means becoming a better friend to yourself everyday. It means never giving up. Not indulging in escapism, relying on drugs or alcohol to relieve your pain. Instead, recognizing the impermanence of all things, this too shall pass.

No matter how bad you feel, or how dire your situation is, you have control over your mind and your choices. Discover your potential for resilience. Show yourself how capable; emotionally, mentally, and spiritually you really are. Decide to take right action, take responsibility for where you are, and take yourself where you want to go. Live virtuously and take right action and you will see yourself, and your circumstances change.

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